As I sit out here in Central Park with Gerdy, the breeze blows on a balmy August morning and waves of locusts calls carry through the trees while buzz saws eat through fallen trees from this week's hurricane-like mini storm.
It's refreshing to hear these sounds, as in my apartment, I hear mainly sirens, honking, Music with a Latin flair, and the occasional bird from a neighboring tree or stray pigeon who lands on the air conditioner.
So while sitting on this park bench, I tried to pretend that I was in my dream home country kitchen, with my coffee and laptop on an island of dark polished granite, doors open, the sunlight bouncing off of my white tile-work, and I began to feel a different kind of peace. Oddly, in my fantasy, my ears filled with the ringing sound from total silence. I started to feel alone from groups of other people. My oasis was perfect, but the buzz from buildings normally around me wasn't there. It was just trees...a thick wall of trees and maybe an occasional garbageman. The closing walls of...the burbs.
I zoomed out of my fantasy and returned to the park bench, where buildings tower along side Central Park, occasional people taking pictures of the tree damage while walking to work, baby strollers, dogs on leashes, dogs off leashes, park surveyors of said damage, homeless people who live in the park...just people who I normally never talk to, but notice.
Hence my confliction of where to move to - where to buy a home instead of dumping all of this rent into my landlord's bank account. Even though we're in a housing crisis, suddenly people all around me are buying homes. Dental Mista just bought her first 1600 square foot apartment in Lincoln Park (it's beauuuutiful...we found it for her on Craig's List!), and my very first Dog Friend from the Park, who is a teacher, just bought her second house. Yes, the first is an apartment here in the city, and now a home somewhere out of the city and they will rent the apartment out.
When Dental Mista was buying her home, she'd been looking and looking, going through so many experiences. But what became very apparent to me was that she knew exactly what she wanted. I've always been a little serendipitous, so planning like this doesn't appeal to me, however, with this kind of housing decision, it's becoming clear that if I don't know what I want, I won't move. I'll sort through these conflictions, but it's going to take some observing to figure out what to do. I love the city. But I want a house. Confliction.